mother's day

 Every day is mother's day. I'm still trying to do my best to be kind and helpful regarding my mother's needs. Today was a real test. Well, every day is, really, but I thought the stars were aligned today.

The background info is that my mom is fixated on her hair. This isn't new, but she is losing her vision due to Glaucoma and Macular degeneration and can't see how she looks. She is always asking me how she looks and I tell her that she looks fine. Her hair is amazing. She has really good hair and, as long as it doesn't get wet, it holds very well. She's been wanting and trying to go to Pat's Place hair salon for some time now and has made many appointments, then been unable to keep.

After much discussion last week, we decided to try again. Mom said she wanted to try, and I thought it would work. I made the appointment with her stylist of many years, Darlene. The timing was perfect regarding her schedule. I reminded mom the day before. I called in the morning to confirm. I got there early to pick her up without pressure. She wasn't confident that she could do it. She asked if she could try walking to the car. We got to the elevator and she felt able to make it, so we went back to her condo and got ready. When the time came, she said she couldn't make it after all. She was afraid that she might fall. I told her that I would help her and that the weather was perfect. She didn't feel able to go and decided to cancle her appointment. She was diasppointed, but it was her choice. Then she started asking me how she looks. I told her that her hair always looks nice, which it does. She said she was sorry she couldn't go.

We chatted for a while about other things. Then she said, "I need to have my hair done. When is my hair appointment."

I have to stop doing this to myself. I want to please her and not upset her. I need help.

This is a memoir. My mom passed away over a year ago, but some of these situations keep going around in my head, so I decided to write them down.